Vacation

I was on vacation from July 3- July 11 down in lovely Long Beach Island, NJ. For those of you who don't know, the beach is my heaven.

However, vacation brings mixed emotions to me as an anxiety sufferer. Most of the time, I love being on vacation (doesn't everyone?) - especially vacations consisting of sitting on the beach and relaxing. However, there are several times that I know I will feel "out of sorts" while on vacation. For me personally, it usually comes down to: 1) Adjusting to being in a new place, 2) Being around tons of alcohol (alcohol really does not mix well with anxiety or the medications I'm on, but it is quite tempting), 3) Fear of getting sick or hurt while away (more relevant when far away - for example when I went to Jamaica last year I worried about the quality of the healthcare should I come down with something bad), 4) FEAR OF MY ANXIETY showing its evil face during my time of fun & relaxation - this sometimes prevents me from living to the fullest. And then I get frustrated and depressed about that.

This was the first year I was back in LBI (it is a yearly vacation) since I began having major panic attacks. I did pretty well. I forced myself to not run away from the anxiety and to keep pressing on doing what I was doing. I did not have any attacks there and have not had any full attacks in months. I still get symptoms and general anxiety but I'm getting there. Hopefully, I will keep improving and eventually enjoying a vacation won't be so complicated!

A few things I forgot..

A few things that I forgot to mention but remembered as I went through my week:

- Gas can increase anxiety (for some reason when I have gas it can mirror heart palpitations - I burp more when anxious)
-PMS can make my symptoms much worse as well - I often feel a little off during this time

I think the important thing to remember is that most people get these symptoms from one time or another (hunger, lightheaded, gas). The thing with me (and with other anxiety sufferers) is that my brain automatically goes into catastrophic mode ("What is wrong with me? Am I sick? Am I dying? Am I having a seizure?") This brings on more panic which in turns creates more symptoms and creates a vicious cycle. The key is breaking the cycle and not letting the symptoms scare you. Easier said than done. Each time it is very easy to say "Well maybe this time, something really IS wrong." The best tactic I have found is to treat the symptoms as panic (and not make them worse - if you are hungry - then eat, lightheaded- sit down and breathe). I am lucky to have a supportive husband - I know that God forbid something is really wrong and say I do pass out -that he will help me get the treatment I need. If you pass out somewhere in public, someone will help you.

I have never passed out, had a seizure, heart attack, etc. during these attacks. An interesting thing that I have learned is IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING HAPPENING THEN IT IS NOT REALLY HAPPENING. You would not have the time to be sitting and wondering if you were having a heart attack or seizure. You would just have it. Interesting, right?

Simple Tips

In my year of panic attacks and many years of anxiety, here are some things I've learned. (These are based on my personal experiences and may not be true for everyone).

Panic triggers:
- too much caffeine (I stick to one cup of coffee per day even though I love it)
- alcohol (too much is not a good idea! I often get panic attacks/nightmares overnight if I have too much)
- hunger (low blood sugar makes me feel weird, which is turn makes me panic)
- allergies/sinus problems (same issue, can make me feel lightheaded which makes me panic)
- over-exertion (I believe 100% that exercise HELPS anxiety and is worth doing but there have been a few times where I've pushed too hard and that lead to panic. Also, I must tell myself that it is normal that my heart is racing- its because I'm working out.)

Things that have helped:
- Deep breathing exercises (in through nose, out through mouth)
- Positive self-talk ("I am healthy, I am fine, I am in control.")
- A healthy diet full of natural foods & vitamins (I am not an angel here.. but I do try to limit artificial sweeteners and processed foods and I eat a lot of veggies, whole grains, beans, fruit, olive oil - It is important to remember that not all low-fat or low-sugar foods are "healthy")
- Learn to not fear the panic - this is HARD. When you get symptoms of panic, it is important to just keep doing what you are doing and let the panic pass. If you automatically freak out, pace the room, run to the ER, etc. you will train your body to think that panic is dangerous. The more you work through it, the more you will be able to handle it when it occurs.
- Exercise regularly
- Drink a lot of water (I recommend Brita filtered water or Smart Water as many bottled waters get rid of good minerals)

Letting out the ghosts

For my first post, I just want to take a minute to explain why I decided to start this blog. For many, many years I have suffered with general anxiety and depression and I think that although it is very common, it is still considered taboo to talk about. It all started for me when I had a near-death experience at 4 years old. I contracted the Hib virus (this was the pre-vaccine era) and my throat closed. I woke up in the middle of the night and could not breathe or swallow. Luckily, my father rushed me the hosptial. If I had went back to bed, I would have died. Ever since that point, I have been super-aware of my mortality. Instead of thinking "It will never happen to me" I think "I could happen to me." (Hey - I caught a rare virus and almost died! I'm vulnerable).

Even though its many years later, I still struggle with daily anxieties. These anxieties in turn lead to depression. About a year ago, I began having panic attacks (I had a few in the past but very rarely). This new element really scared me and I've spent a lot of time researching and trying to get past these attacks. I've started this blog to help myself and to help others.

A few things I want to point out as I begin this blogging journey:
- No haters please! Yes, I have anxiety. No, I'm not crazy. I live a regular life where most people would never even know of my struggles. I went to college, I was in a sorority, I work full-time, I'm married, have hobbies etc. I want people to be able to open and honest on my site without fearing "what other people will think."
- I am in no way a medical or psychological expert but I have been struggling with these issues for over 12 years so I talk from my experiences
- I believe there is a chemical connection associated with depression, panic or chronic anxiety disorder. I know some people are skeptical, but until you have lived it, you really don't know. Clinical depression is a disease and is different than feeling "blue." I think medication is helpful for some people. If you had an infection, you'd take an antibiotic to fix it, right?